


Clair de Lunatic

by Stewbacca94



Series: RWBY Reddit Ramblings [5]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Bastardizing Shakespeare, F/M, Parody, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 07:28:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17762447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stewbacca94/pseuds/Stewbacca94
Summary: Neptune Vasilias, one of the many young noblemen of Verona, finds himself starstruck when going undercover to the Branwen manor house.





	Clair de Lunatic

### Clair de Lunatic

Two drunken men staggered away from the masquerade party they just attended, having enjoyed the night out at the Branwen manor house without getting caught by the matriarch or her perennially angry kinsman. They were presently looking for a third man, cousin to one of them and best friend to the other.

"Neptune," Sun called out, "my cousin Neptune!"

"He is wise," averred Mercury, "and on my life, hath stolen him home to bed."

"He ran this way," Sun insisted, "and leaped over the orchard wall. Call, good Mercury."

"Nay," the lunatic began, "I'll conjure too."

Striking a pose, Mercury roared to the moonlit heavens as Sun hid his face beneath his palm and cringed.

"Neptune! Humours! Madman! Passion! Lover! Appear thou in the likeness of a sigh; speak but one rhyme and I am satisfied. Cry but, "Ah me!", pronounce but love, and dove; speak to my gossip Venus one fair word - one nickname for her purblind son and heir. Young auburn Cupid, that he shot so trim when King Cophetua loved the beggar-maid!"

After a pause, Mercury tried again.

"He heareth not, he sayeth not, he moveth not; the ape is dead, and I  _must_  conjure him ... I conjure thee by Weiss's bright eyes, by her high forehead and her scarlet lip, by her fine foot, straight leg and quivering thigh. And the demesnes that there adjacent lie, that in thy likeness thou appear to us."

Sun had had enough, and began to lead Mercury away before trouble brewed over.

"And if he hear thee," Sun spoke firmly, "thou wilt anger him."

* * *

As Mercury tried to rant again while Sun ensured their departure, Neptune breathed a sigh of relief from within the Branwen Garden.

"He jests at scars that never felt a wound," he groused contentiously. Mercury could be a handful at the best of times, after all.

Suddenly, Neptune heard a window of the manor open, and turned to see  _her_  stare out into the night sky. A cascade of blonde hair fell around a seraphic face with eyes of lavender and full lips. A simple, cream-coloured dress wreathed the woman's perfectly sculpted curves, and a light breeze pushed into her eyes and lifted her hair and dress, putting Neptune in mind of the same goddess Mercury tried to invoke earlier.

"But soft!", Neptune whispered as he moved ever closer amongst the shrubbery, "what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Yang is the sun! Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou her maid art far more fair than she.

"Be not her maid, since she is envious; her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it. Cast it off."

By this point, Yang began to lean out of the window in contemplation, and Neptune knew for sure that she was the woman he'd danced with earlier that night.

"It  _is_  my lady; oh, it  _is_  my love! Oh, that she knew she were."

"I know thy desires now, Neptune!"

Neptune froze still, and saw Yang looking towards him with a smirk plastered on her features. For once, he was lost for words.

"What man art thou," Yang teasingly continued, "that, thus bescreened in night, so stumblest on my counsel so crudely?"

"B-By a name I know not how to tell them who I am," Neptune replied, "because it is an enemy to thee. My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word."

"My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of that tongue's utterance," Yang replied tiredly, "yet I know the sound. Art thou not Neptune, and a Vasilias?"

"Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike."

 _By my head, the man is desperate_ , Yang thought. "How cam'st thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?"

Neptune decided to wax poetic. "With love's light wings did I o'er perch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out. And what love can do, that dares love attempt; therefore, my kinsmen are no let to me."

Yang giggled softly, and Neptune's smile at the sound began to warm her heart towards him.  _I should give this over-passioned knave a chance_ , the heiress concluded.

* * *

**A/N:**   _ **Finally**_ **, I get a chance to write for my favourite crack pairing. I've always felt that Combat Goggles has amazing chemistry and fertile comedic potential, and I wouldn't have minded seeing it in the show itself. Watching a womanising cad like Neptune get dominated by Yang would've been nothing short of hilarious.**


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